a better foundation
It might be because of the striking mood the song set.... or it could be the endless chaos that is never settling in the house that I live in. I've always wanted to move out of this dysfunctional household and live on my own, but I want to take on a new perspective upon this conflict that will never leave me even when I do move out. It was never surprising to come home to find my parents arguing about something stupid. As a child, I was raised in a family that never held any harmony in anything we did together. Always there was entropy. Always there was disorder.
Its summer now and I usually stay in the house. Staying idle and bored in the house was a quiet tradition that my older brothers held throughout our lives due to fact that if we dared to leave much, sparks would have set aflame to a heated argument about freedom and happiness between my father.
A war was set off just a moment ago. I set off a crusade by telling my father that I would be out on Sunday to connect with a few old friends. Could I do anything about this unsettling conflict that is always a barrier between my father and me? It's as if they grew up to be taught to be anti-social and to disregard all other human beings on the planet. I don't understand how they can ever say that they lived a fulfilling life when they don't ever leave the house or even let their children enjoy their own lives. Even between themselves, conversations are focused on topics that inevitably lead to strife and hatred.
After years of questioning their ideals and values, I have come to the conclusion that this distant relationship between Dad and I was because of the different values that were instilled in us when we were children, while our minds were still like sponges. This expanding gap between us could possibly lead on forever throughout the rest of our lives. But, that is certainly up to us; One of us has to sacrifice a cornerstone value to be in the slightest agreement. From great observations made during the intense exchanging of 140 decibel conversations, it is evident that my extremely stubborn dad won't be the ones to bend to commit to a thriving relationship.
It comes down to my decisions. The great power of controlling a relationship relies upon me. The path of our relationship stands on the mindset that I will carry when under fire of the 140 decibel bullets of traditional values. Will I be able to break through this line of tradition without ruining the relationship with my father? This path that I am headed towards holds great insights for the time that I will have children that will have the same outlook on life. I will need to lock up my values, chain it with Kryptonite locks, and store it deep within me while I live under the barrages of my father, so that I may build a relationship that never existed. I yearn for the power to build a relationship between a father and a son.